Diary 2: True Feelings...?

September 2, 2014, Tuesday, 10:38 am

I am currently in our office... what am i doing? just here. I tried if our computer is working and fortunately, it is! I do have more than 5 hours of vacant so i'm thinking of ways how will i kill my time. And then I found my self here--- typing another blog post.

I'm not yet in the mood of reading 54 pages of huge book about Abnormal Psychology for my report so... here i am to share some thoughts.

WHAT'S WITH THE TOPIC?

I also had asked myself about that. Is it my true feelings i'm talking about..? Or with an another person?

Not to conclude of how he really feels but... i'm kind of not used to it.

We've been best of friends for almost 4 years now and within that time, all we've done is to fight each other over petty things. We'll, it's normal for me... but for him... I don't know. He sometimes get mad of my jokes about him. Yeah maybe i've been a little harsh but... isn't he used to that yet? So i'd have to say sorry after that and we.. got back to our old "WE"...

College came... we separated cos of our different schools yet we still have managed to gain communication. And other awkward moments... started.

It's the first time that we talked beside the church at 6-8 pm without arguing about something. I find him being sweet to me... and alike? Psh. I'm not really used to it.

Yes, I had feelings for him before during high school... yet.. he just used me to get near to his true love- my girl best friend. I cried that day under the rain... and no one knows about that. Yet... we've been good friends since before so i chose to forget that "feelings" for him and just be happy for the both of them.

Time passed by... his relationship to that girl did not succeed. He'd been so hurt that had made him... let's just say... play some other girls. But still, I'm just here to scold him whenever he do things that contradicts my principles. I'm still his best friend.

But if you're thinking that I haven't moved on? YES. I HAD MOVED ON.

But... Why is it.... he's like this now to me? Clearly... others are saying he had feelings for me more than friends.. and i sometimes would agree.

Yet I promised to myself that I won't have a romantic relationship with my best friend/s. And besides... he's like a brother for me.

I just hope my thoughts won't tell the reality... I'm afraid that one day... he'll tell me his true feelings.

And here comes my realization... if ever he'll confess... I won't accept it. He'll be hut i know.. but it's better than giving him a false hope. He's still one of my best friend... and I don't wanna lose him.

.....

So what can you say about this? Any reaction?
Haha.. I just love to share things about my life here.

I hope you all could relate.

Thanks again!


#Godbless!!! ♥