Diary 2: True Feelings...?

September 2, 2014, Tuesday, 10:38 am

I am currently in our office... what am i doing? just here. I tried if our computer is working and fortunately, it is! I do have more than 5 hours of vacant so i'm thinking of ways how will i kill my time. And then I found my self here--- typing another blog post.

I'm not yet in the mood of reading 54 pages of huge book about Abnormal Psychology for my report so... here i am to share some thoughts.

WHAT'S WITH THE TOPIC?

I also had asked myself about that. Is it my true feelings i'm talking about..? Or with an another person?

Not to conclude of how he really feels but... i'm kind of not used to it.

We've been best of friends for almost 4 years now and within that time, all we've done is to fight each other over petty things. We'll, it's normal for me... but for him... I don't know. He sometimes get mad of my jokes about him. Yeah maybe i've been a little harsh but... isn't he used to that yet? So i'd have to say sorry after that and we.. got back to our old "WE"...

College came... we separated cos of our different schools yet we still have managed to gain communication. And other awkward moments... started.

It's the first time that we talked beside the church at 6-8 pm without arguing about something. I find him being sweet to me... and alike? Psh. I'm not really used to it.

Yes, I had feelings for him before during high school... yet.. he just used me to get near to his true love- my girl best friend. I cried that day under the rain... and no one knows about that. Yet... we've been good friends since before so i chose to forget that "feelings" for him and just be happy for the both of them.

Time passed by... his relationship to that girl did not succeed. He'd been so hurt that had made him... let's just say... play some other girls. But still, I'm just here to scold him whenever he do things that contradicts my principles. I'm still his best friend.

But if you're thinking that I haven't moved on? YES. I HAD MOVED ON.

But... Why is it.... he's like this now to me? Clearly... others are saying he had feelings for me more than friends.. and i sometimes would agree.

Yet I promised to myself that I won't have a romantic relationship with my best friend/s. And besides... he's like a brother for me.

I just hope my thoughts won't tell the reality... I'm afraid that one day... he'll tell me his true feelings.

And here comes my realization... if ever he'll confess... I won't accept it. He'll be hut i know.. but it's better than giving him a false hope. He's still one of my best friend... and I don't wanna lose him.

.....

So what can you say about this? Any reaction?
Haha.. I just love to share things about my life here.

I hope you all could relate.

Thanks again!


#Godbless!!! ♥

"The Stranger Who changed me..."

As promise... here it is!!


My painting :DD


well, it's our final exam in arts actually. hehehehe... :))


what do you think?

The Stranger... who changed me...

He's a total stranger...

an unknown...

I don't know him in person...

but in my heart it's like i've known him for so long...

He made me feel what love really is...

He made me realized how hurtful it is to be in pain...

He had hurt me and made everything as his game...

yet still i'm thankful for God has given me him...

even in a short time...

He made me stronger...

He made me a better person...

I might forget his name and things we had together...

yet I won't forget that he's one of the reasons why...

I am now in bloom...

and I will always be proud to say...


I was CHANGED by a STRANGER...



P.S. Soon, I will post my painting about this :)) thanks! ♥


#Godbless!

Being in pain...

Did someone hurt you..?

... putting you down...?

... or even... wanna let you end your life...?


Don't hate them...


instead... be THANKFUL. :))


coz if not because of those problems and pains... you'll never know if you're still alive.


Convert those tears into a PROTECTIVE SHIELD and POWER.


BE POSITIVE (+)


SMILE :))


yet...


Don't forget to CRY if it hurts...


JUST REMEMBER:


... it's OKAY to commit mistakes...


... it's OKAY to be in pain...


be YOURSELF....


and... ALWAYS TRUST and BELIEVE in GOD for every decisions in your life.


==> just part of my realizations in life :))

Keep safe mina-san!


#Godbless ♥

Diary 1: Why made this blog?

Not your dream girl diaries--- it's just another blog I made because of such event happened in my life several days ago.


Want me to narrate it? Huh. Well, it's kinda hard but I'll try. Just to make you understand.


My name is Rin (another screen name). I am 18 years old now and still living a life that probably most of the teenagers now would define as "boring".


I don't go to midnight parties just to dance wildly and drink alcoholic drinks with some friends or even strangers.


I don't smoke.


I don't go on a shopping like being crazy to buy these branded clothes in a prestigious clothing lines, instead I prefer to go on shopping in a "bookstore."


And I don't have yet my first kiss... my intimate relationship to a guy... I haven't yet experience that so called act "SEX".


Why? Simple. Because it's an act appropriate to a married couple to show their love and affection.... not just to kill boredom.


And well, yeah....


Everything that I do, I tell it to my parents.





I'm such a good girl? Aren't I?


I do have crushes before but never do I have a boyfriend. Guy best friends would do.


Maybe because....


I'm not that pretty...


I don't have that killer smile...


I don't have a fair skin... just slightly brown I guess...


I have long lashes... dark eyes... slightly thick eyebrows...


I just have a consistent I.Q. of Average in verbal and non verbal areas...


I don't have a good height...


I don't have sense of fashion... but I do know how to critique fashion things... and I do hair braids...


I cook for myself and family...


I design dresses for my own...


I sing..


I composed songs...


I play guitar and recorder...


I record my own songs and covers... in the CR/my room...


I write poems, stories, ... etc on wattpad...


I'm kinda boyish... wearing jeans, snickers, and simple t-shirts...


I do... whatever things I want to do as long as it's legal, moral, and could do better to me..


This is just me... just a "not your dream girl"



Now, enough with the intros about me... let's go to the main topic..


WHY MADE THIS BLOG?


Same question I asked to myself. Crazy, isn't it?


Let me just simplify my situation.


Because I'm so good... I never had a relationship before with a guy.. that you know.. the "lovey-dovey" thing? Haha... and that I concluded that I will never had one.


Not until... this guy came in.


We just texted each other as for fun. Yes, at first. But days had passed he told me he already had fallen in love with me because of my pleasing personality... and he's also saying that I'm pretty.


And as expected... I was flattered. For the first time! A guy then appreciates me! Thank God!


He courted me... and eventually... I nearly fell for him.


Maybe you're thinking he's as good as I am... but no. He is actually, my OPPOSITE.


He smoke, drink, was an addict in computer games and other vices.


Yet why did I fall for him?


It's because... he is the only person who's there when my family was in chaos. When I was lonely... alone... sad... and unmotivated in my life.


There, I said to myself... "He might be THE ONE."


But he's NOT THE ONE.


Two months had passed he still was courting me... and here I am... suddenly realized that I had already had fallen out of love. No I guess it's not love. It's just an infatuation.


To be fair... I told him what I really feel... and at first I was glad that he understands.... and he then confessed that all of these love things... was just a "JOKE"... a "GAME".


He don't love me as he said he was.


And when I knew that? I just smiled. I don't feel hatred... nor anger towards him. Maybe because... he made me stronger... and he made me realized that I really did know myself... I know God has a reason behind all these.


So as it ends... we decided to stop communicating each other... I'll forget about him.. he'll forget all things about me... I'll unfriend him in the FB and delete all my contacts related to him. I even would change my sim card just to be sure and safe.


Actually, he felt sorry and really regret that he did played the heart of such a good girl like me. And he said that if I'll have a boyfriend soon, that guy would be the most lucky guy in the universe! Should I believe him? Hahaha. Maybe... not now. He still offered me a friendship... but I chose to decline.



Yeah... we started as friends... and we ended up just the same.


It's painful... yet I didn't cry... I don't feel hate in him... and etc.


Truthfully saying...?


I'm blessed and happy that I met him.


If not because of him... maybe I'm still afraid on committing mistakes... I'm not that open to my family about what I feel... I don't decide on my own and take risks...


If not because of him... I am not "ME" now.


I know I'm still "Not somebody's dream girl" yet....


But somehow I know to myself... that one day... I'll be worthy to be owned by that SOMEONE.



So this would be the first sharing I'll have. :))


I hope it's okay for you if I'll share these things just like you know--- a diary.


Thanks guys!


God bless us all!


♥♥♥